


Scarred, Lost in Time, and Insane

by Varmint



Category: Assassin's Creed
Genre: Humor, Modern Era, Multi, Not to be taken seriously, madcap adventures
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-07-20
Packaged: 2018-05-20 08:15:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5998426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Varmint/pseuds/Varmint
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For some reason still not known to them, the Assassins and Templars of old have somehow appeared in the modern age. Now it's up to Desmond, Rebecca, Shaun, and William to take care of them until they are able to come up with a way to send them back to their own time. Taking care of so many people, though, would be a million times more easy if the men and women out of time stopped behaving like children for one minute and allowed the Assassins that were accustomed to using computers some time to actually think about what to do. And Edward not bothering Jacob anymore would be a nice thing...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Desmond!"

The modern day assassin allowed his head to fall onto the table in front of him in exasperation as soon as he heard his name. He was tired, hungry, and just wanted to be able to finish reading this one post on the internet before he had to go back to using his brain for smart things again.

Too bad his ancestors had deemed him as the go to guy whenever they got into an argument.

"Desmond! I need you to explain to this idiot that finders are keepers and losers are weepers!" Edward Kenway's voice floated in from the family room and was followed by a growl of frustration from whoever the pirate had decided to annoy this time around.

"That cannot apply when you stole my hat!"

It just had to be those two! Why did Edward insist on pissing Jacob off? Was it because he was British? Maybe it was because from the first moment Edward had laid his eyes on the Industrialism age assassin, the pirate had kept his eyes on the odd cap the other wore.

"It does! Right, son?"

There was silence from the room for a moment, then Desmond heard a growl that sounded oddly like: 'Shut up, Father'. This led Edward to laugh in his loud way, but that stopped as soon as a smack was heard from the room. Then Desmond heard sounds of what was undoubtedly a scuffle between Jacob and Edward, which made him shake his head, even though it still lay on the table.

He had just wanted some food before beginning the day. After a night filled with waking up every few minutes to order someone or another to shut up, he had just wanted some food to sustain himself. But when he went down to the kitchen, Desmond found that his ancestors had quite literally taken everything edible and fast to make from the fridge and had left him with foods that would need to be cooked for some time before they were able to be eaten. After that, he had decided to just drink some milk and read the internet. But now he was seated at the table with his phone in hand with his ancestors yelling out for him to help them.

"Ow!" Jacob was suddenly heard yelling out and Desmond could hear Edward shout out in victory. "Desmond! The bastard bit me!"

"See? I told you I had won this cap justly- what are you doing, lad? Are you going to call on your sister to help you reclaim your hat?" Edward taunted and Desmond groaned in exasperation. "Wouldn't surprise me if you were too weak to do anything by yourself. Clearly the lass is the one with the brains and brawns between you two."

This was all Altaïr's fault. The Master Assassin had been the first to arrive and after him had come the rest. The modern assassins still didn't understand just how or why the assassins of old had popped up in the world, but they knew they were all pains in the ass. Especially when they were together.

"I don't need my sister! I'll show you!" Jacob growled in rage, then Desmond cringed when he heard what was the sound of glass shattering.

He didn't freak out too much, though, because he and Willaim had hidden the more technologically advanced machines away from the main rooms so the people out of time wouldn't be too shocked by the sight of them. At least the television was safe for one more day.

The funniest part about how tired he was must have been that they had been taking care of his ancestors for only one day. But it had been one hell of a day. Extremely tiring, too.

After a few seconds of scuffling, which Desmond spent with his head still on the table, Aveline's head appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, light green eyes shining of curiosity and slight worry.

"Desmond, are you not going to stop the fight between Edward and Jacob?"

The young man only groaned out a noncommittal answer, all the while he waved his hand at her.

"They broke the coffee table."

But Desmond only groaned again. He didn't even look up.

The dark skinned woman pursed her lips at Desmond's reaction, but shook her head and went back into the family room. There, Edward and Jacob were busy rolling around the floor in a mess of limbs and curses while Haytham looked over a book that was in his hands and Altaïr glared at them both.

When she had first appeared in this world, Aveline had been stunned to know that both great Mentors, Altaïr and Ezio, were alive and well, and even more so when she found out they were not the stoic and calm leaders she had been taught to believe. Ezio was rather annoying with his constant flirting, but he at least could crack a good joke every now and then. Altaïr, though, seemed to possess the most easily annoyed personality she had ever come across.

"Are you not going to stop them, Altaïr?" Aveline asked with a raised eyebrow as she crossed her arms over her chest.

The Syrian man glanced at her for a moment, scoffed, but stood up and walked towards the tangle of bodies that were Jacob Frye and Edward Kenway. With a stern frown in place, Altaïr raised his leg and kicked the closest body part as harshly as possible, which earned him a surprised gasp that came from none other than Jacob.

"Master Altaïr..." He wheezed, body releasing Edward's to grab at his stomach. "Why have you betrayed me?" He whispered dramatically, looking up at the man with wide eyes.

Altaïr didn't even blink as he delivered an equally strong kick to Edward's ribs. "Stop acting like such novices." He growled before stalking back towards the sofa, where he sat down and resumed reading the book Shaun had given him a few hours ago.

As he ignored them, both Jacob and Edward wheezed and gasped in pain, but Aveline couldn't help but smile softly at them. They both deserved the punishment Altaïr had dished out.

"Aveline?"

The woman looked up upon hearing Desmond's call, then asked, "What, Desmond?"

"Why has the room suddenly gone quiet?" He questioned and Aveline could not blame him.

Whenever Edward or Jacob- or God forbid, both- were involved, there was no such thing as silence. So when something like quiet actually managed to blossom whenever they were around, it was reason to worry.

"They are both too busy crying like babes to bother each other right now."

"Oh! Okay!" Desmond answered dumbly, "Does that mean that Edward gave back Jacob's cap?"

"Never!"

Suddenly Edward sprang up from the floor with said hat clutched tightly in his hand, even though his other was wrapped around his stomach. "The prize is mine!"

Haytham sighed heavily upon hearing his father declare victory while he shook his head. Sometimes he really wondered if he did, in fact, share any type of DNA with Edward Kenway because most of the time it seemed like it just wasn't possible. Still, the blonde man didn't seem to care about his son's clear annoyance because he only waved the hat around as if he really had won something of importance, then turned around and ran out of the room.

Aveline could hear him giggling wildly as he ran up the stairs, then she swore she heard a thud that would come from someone falling while going up the stairs, but soon enough Edward was laughing once more and she guessed he had just shaken the fall off. Still, she decided that her sanity was more important than stopping the petty squabbles between Jacob and Edward, so she made her way towards the kitchen to see if she could get Desmond to respond.

A few minutes after both Edward and Aveline had left the room, Jacob got up from the floor with a small struggle, then turned his glare on Altaïr. The man had cost him his hat. That stupid, parrot-loving, rum-abusing, and plaid old idiotic dumbass had gotten his prized hat only because Altaïr had stunned him before he could recover it. Master Assassin or not, Altaïr would pay.

With these dark thoughts and a final glare in Altaïr's direction, Jacob slinked out of the family room and went in search of his twin sister. The use of twin magic would be needed to achieve the level of revenge he wanted against Altaïr.


	2. Chapter 2

Jacob had searched for his sister all throughout the house. The British assassin had quite literally run in circles for the past ten minutes in his search for Evie, yet he had made no progress. For some reason he could not yet fathom, his sister was nowhere to be found. And he was starting to get really annoyed because he wanted and needed her help to avenge his wounded pride.

"Jacob? What are you doing?" Connor asked as he saw the younger assassin peer into the room he shared with his father and grandfather.

With a growl of frustration, Jacob walked out of the room and looked at Connor, "Have you by any chance seen my sister? I need to find her."

Connor quirked an eyebrow at the clearly frustrated and annoyed man, but shook his head. "I have not. But you should check outside. About twenty minutes ago, she decided there were too many men around her and that she needed some time to herself."

The British assassin perked up immediately after hearing Connor's explanation, then smiled broadly at him and made to run down the stairs. Then he remembered his manners and shouted out, "Thank you, Connor!" Before he raced to the backyard.

He went through the back room, barely dodged the evil sliding glass door that had become his enemy in just one day, then saw his sister sitting on one of the rather shiny and uncomfortable looking chairs there. With a mad smile, Jacob jumped to stand beside his sister, then grabbed her arms and said, "Evie, I need your wicked mind!"

His sister had been startled upon his sudden appearance and she bonked him on the head with a growl, "Don't scare me like that, Jacob!" She scolded, glaring at him.

Jacob whined for a moment as he rubbed at the stinging on his head, pouting at his twin. "That hurt, Evie!"

She huffed as she crossed her arms, then rolled her eyes and questioned, "Just what are you doing here, Jacob? I thought you would be buys bothering Edward for the time being... And where's your hat?"

While Evie had spoken, Jacob had been occupied with rubbing at his wound, but upon remembering the hat that had been taken from him, his anger and resolve returned tenfold and he looked at his twin sister with a stern frown in place. "Evie, you are the most cunning, dangerous, and intelligent person I know of that is alive that is not me. It is because of these very wonderful traits that I need your help."

Being the siblings they were, Jacob nor Evie ever told each other about how great they were. Because they were brother and sister, they usually insulted one another to prove their love. So on the few occasions in which they let go of their pride and admitted that they weren't such bad people, they both knew that whatever was about to be asked was a matter of utmost importance.

"What are you planning, Jacob?" Evie asked in a low tone, bringing her face closer to Jacob's so they wouldn't be overheard by any unsavory people.

"The Great Mentor, Altaïr, has insulted me, sister. I need to reclaim my pride and honor by claiming my revenge against him."

Evie stared at her brother for a second, then another, and another, but eventually sighed in relent. "What do you need of me, Jacob?"

With an almost rabid smile, Jacob began to explain what his plans were.

* * *

Shay did not enjoy being in the modern world. He was surrounded by the very people he had spent years of his life hunting down and they all treated him like he was supposed to be treated, like _scum._ And that was just because he was a Templar. They did not yet know what he had done in his lifetime and they treated him so horribly. He could never let them find out what he had done, who he had killed... Who he had betrayed.

The Assassins were liable to skin him if they ever found out about the mass murder he had highhandedly dealt to their numbers. Luckily for him, though, the only Assassin that seemed to know anything about the Assassin Purge was Connor, the Native American son that his Grand Master had supposedly conceived before they had even met one another. And Achilles had apparently kept the Purge business under tight wraps because Connor had no idea that it was caused by an Assassin-turned-Templar.

Edward Kenway was yet another surprise Shay had come across that was tied in directly to Haytham. A son and a father that were both Assassins. Who would have thought Grand Master Kenway ever came from such a line of blood?

Still, now Shay found himself alone inside the room he shared with Shaun Hastings, the annoying Brit that insisted he was a history expert. Luckily for him, the modern day assassins had decided that keeping him in a room with any of the other men would likely cause fights to break out, so they had allowed him to be the only one of the people from the past to stay in the same room as someone from the present, aside from Aveline and Evie, who had to share with the odd woman named Rebecca.

How many were they now? He and Haytham were the only Templars at the moment, Shay remembered with chagrin. They had arrived at different times, though, because Shay had been there to greet the Grand Master when he first showed up.

There was _the_ Assassin, Altaïr Ibn La'Ahad and Shay couldn't help but be extremely annoyed by the man. After all, it was _his_ creed that had been corrupted. By default, all the years of corruption in the Brotherhood could be explained by Altaïr's own beliefs. To Shay, it made sense to believe that the reason as to why he had slaughtered innocents in Lisbon was because of the teachings Altaïr had passed down.

After Altaïr, Jacob Frye, Ezio Auditore, and Aveline de Grandpré had both arrived. Even though he knew about Ezio, the other two were people Shay had never heard about, so he barely paid them any attention. He had arrived some two hours after them, Desmond had explained, and he had been brought here with Connor and Edward Kenway. Before they had found out he was a Templar, all five assassins had been content in believing he had been an assassin deep undercover in the Templar's fold and had actually treated him with camaraderie. It was about five minutes after they had met that Shay had made it clear he was no assassin.

Luckily for him, Desmond had been convincing enough to stop Altaïr's blade from piercing through his neck.

Seriously, Shay hadn't created any trouble... Yet. All he had done was say he was a Templar and not an Assassin. The nerve of some people!

Still, he was gladdened when he found that Haytham Kenway came next, even though he had arrived with Jacob's twin sister, Evie Frye.

Oddly enough, they had all appeared beside the same machine. No matter _when_ they came to the present-future, all the Assassins and Templars had landed beside a machine Shay had once heard being called an Animus before the four modern assassins stopped talking all together about it. Maybe it was because that odd contraption was the reason as to why they had all been brought into the future.

He was bored. Even with all the time he took up thinking of the past and ways he might be able to escape the house run by these odd assassins. Haytham wasn't really the talkative sorts, so he didn't really have anybody around him that could actually grab his attention for longer than five seconds. Then there were the rest of the assassins, but they were only good to look at whenever they were doing something that would ultimately end up with somebody in pain.

"I wish Gist was here..." Shay mumbled to himself as he got up from the bed that was his and began to snoop around the historian's room. "At least he could make me smile with his drunken antics."

As Shay explored the room he was in, he found a small, compact, and odd device hidden deep inside one of Shaun's many drawers. It had a type of screen that was rectangular and below there was a circle which held four different symbols in set intervals. There was a small hole at the top of the thing and it felt smooth in Shay's hands.

Before he could fully understand what it was, the small screen lit up and scared him so he almost dropped it. Luckily, though, he was able to regain his bearings before he allowed it to drop onto the floor.

Reading what was inside, Shay was completely confused, yet intrigued.

"What is a _Mudvayne_?" He muttered to himself, sitting back down on the bed. "Maybe these could be clues to getting back home."

So, without much thought, Shay began to tinker with the odd device to try and figure out what that odd name could mean.

* * *

"Hey, Desmond, have you by any chance seen my MP3?" Rebecca asked Desmond as she walked into the kitchen, only to find him and Aveline seated at the kitchen table with a cup of chocolate milk in each of their hands.

"No." Desmond answered softly all the while Aveline patted his shoulder.

Rebecca quirked an eyebrow at the odd scene, but only asked, "Okay, Des, time for roll call. Where are the guests?"

Desmond looked at her for one moment before speaking up, clearly annoyed with having to play babysitter. "Aveline, as you can see, is enjoying chocolate milk with me and _not_ being a headache. Haytham and Altaïr are both reading in the family room and Shay has not come out of Shaun's room ever since we told him it was a safe place."

Rebecca looked at him for one moment, as if about to ask just why nobody had gone to Shay and made sure he was okay, but Desmond continued to count his ancestors off before she could.

"I heard Edward yelling at Connor to help him hide Jacob's hat before Jacob got smart and managed to get it back, so I know those two aren't dead yet. And Altaïr told me Ezio was still snoring up a storm when he left the room..." Desmond drifted off then, and turned to Aveline. "Do you know where Jacob and Evie are?"

Aveline shrugged and sipped at her milk, delighted at the odd taste that made her taste buds dance.

Desmond then turned to Rebecca with a slightly nervous smile. "So, apparently, the two dangerous siblings are the only ones we're not sure where to find."

Rebecca resisted the urge to smack him over the head before she groaned and turned to try and find the two missing assassins. "Desmond, get up off your lazy ass and help me look!" She shouted through the doorway, making Desmond groan.

Still, he got up from his chair, gave Aveline a small, desperate look that yelled 'I don't want to!', but groaned when she only shook her head and pointed in the direction of the doorway. He would have to go find the two assassins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mudvayne's a hard rock/metal/something scary band that I was listening to today. Isn't it interesting how Shay's the one to find out about music first?


	3. Chapter 3

Shaun had been busy working on top secret Assassin work- which meant he was putting something Rebecca had told him to do two days ago by instead reading up on the time period of the Spanish colonization of a small island called Puerto Rico, which happened to be his latest interest in history- when he began to hear music booming through the walls of the house.

And it wasn't the type of music anyone would generally want to listen to. No, it sounded like the worst type of music anyone could think of: Rebecca's playlist.

The thing about Rebecca's choice in music is that it was scary. It could range from the classics like Bach and Mozart all the way to the type of music that would make a normal and sane person run out of the room, fearing for the boogeyman. And the song Shaun now heard muffled by the walls was the type that would make a person run away with tears in their eyes.

No matter what metalheads might say, screaming undecipherable words into a microphone with angry guitar riffs and violent drum beats in the background did _not_ make good music.

"Rebecca?" Shaun called out as soon as he heard the music, closing his eyes in slight irritation, "Could you please shut that racket off?"

Honestly, Shaun being polite enough to use the word please should have been enough of a reason for Rebecca to cut the music off. He usually never used the word please, so he must have been in a rather kind mood to use it. Rebecca, normally, wouldn't jeopardize his bad mood to listen to that racket, so Shaun fully expected her to stop the music a few seconds after he had asked for it.

But after those seconds had passed and the loud guitar riff continued, Shaun frowned heavily and stood up from his chair while he closed the book he had been reading. He would have to take manners into his own hands.

He made his way down the hall and towards where the music originated from, but found himself bumping into Connor on the way.

"Excuse me, Shaun," Connor said respectfully, "I believe Shay Cormac has yet to eat any breakfast. Maybe you should check up on him and make sure he has not escaped yet."

Shaun quirked an eyebrow at his words and asked, "Since when do you care for Templars, Connor?"

The dark skinned man only shook his head, though, "I do not. But I am sure Desmond would not appreciate the man killing himself via hunger."

"Thank you, Connor." Shaun murmured, unsure as to just why Connor showed _any_ interest in Shay, but he wasn't able to ask anything of the Mohawk because Edward Kenway suddenly appeared behind him and wrapped an arm around his grandson.

"Connor! Thank heavens I found you! I need your sneaking abilities to be able to find the rum hidden in this dreadful place."

Connor sighed at his grandfather's words, but Shaun only shook his head, "There is no alcohol in the house, Edward. Desmond and William threw it all away to make sure an alcoholic like you didn't get his hands on anything as dangerous as that."

Edward's blue eyes looked at Shaun with both annoyance and sadness, then Shaun noticed the cap he wore on top of his blonde hair. "Edward, why are you wearing Jacob's cap?"

"Because I won it, of course." Edward puff his chest, then crossed his arms. "I shall find a way to make my own rum, then. Come, Connor! On to find a way to make our alcohol!"

Connor rolled his eyes with a groan, but was pulled away from Shaun by Edward without too much of a struggle. The British historian looked on after them with a frown on his face and a shake of his head, then he went back to searching for the origin of the terrible music.

The angry guitar riff was getting angrier by the second and the screeched out lyrics were becoming almost unbearable, but at least Shaun was on the right track to shut it off. Slowly and carefully, Shaun made his way towards where he thought the music was coming from. Oddly enough, he found himself standing in front of the door into his room, then his eyes widened, his mouth hung agape, and he shook his head.

Had Shay somehow managed to connect an MP3 player to his surround sound speakers? And, worse yet, had he found Rebecca's MP3? He had been hiding it away exactly because he couldn't stand most of her music.

"Shay Patrick Cormac!" Shaun shouted as he burst through the doorway, eyes glaring into the room.

Only to find the rather sharp end of a hidden blade pointed at his throat with Shay's brown eyes narrowed at him.

"What do you want, Brit?" Shay growled, loud music blaring from the speakers.

Shaun immediately began to worry for his safety, then stuttered, "Oh, nothing really, Sh-Shay. I j-ju-just... uh..." He looked around the room for a moment, then smiled, "Wanted to make sure you were okay?"

It came off as a question and there was no way Shay believed that was the reason as to why he had burst in when he had, but Shay slowly lowered the 'weapon', even though he continued glaring at Shaun. Shaun then fully looked at his speaker system and found that Shay had managed to connect the correct cables to the MP3, even though he could also see some cables that had been cut... Undoubtedly by the Irishman.

"So, uh... I see you figured out how to use the speakers." Shaun pointed out dumbly, which made Shay nod stiffly. "Are you... _Enjoying_ this music?"

Shay seemed to think about the question for a moment, then answered, "It's not bad." His words were just as stiff as his nod, then he asked, "Do you want anything else, Assassin, or can you leave me?"

"I'll just head out, then." Shaun mumbled softly, then hurried out of the room and slammed the door behind him.

He could still hear the angry music. "Damned Irishman." He cursed softly, then shook his head. He was hungry. "We should really take away all their weapons."

* * *

"Are you sure of this plan, Jacob?" Evie asked softly after her brother had finished explaining it completely to her.

It was one of the few good ideas he'd concocted in his lifetime, but she was worried about the target. It _was_ Altaïr.

"Yes. Completely. Come on, sister! Twin powers!"

Evie looked at him with a face that read that she thought he was stupid, but then smiled and nodded. "And if we get caught, _you're_ getting all the blame. Got it, Jacob?"

"A small price to pay, sister." Jacob smirked, then stood up from the floor and clapped his hands together. "Now come on! We have to take advantage of only Haytham being in the same room as Altaïr. The less the people around, the less likely the plan will fail!"

The female assassin looked at her twin for a moment, then nodded and stood up. After making sure both their hidden blades were in working order- it was just in case Altaïr got weren't planning on killing anyone... On purpose- the twins went back into the home and towards the kitchen. There they found Connor, Aveline, and Edward. The woman was sitting at the small table there, but Edward was busy throwing things out of the top cabinets while Connor stood off to the side.

"What are you doing?" Evie asked, wondering just what the man would be doing with the food he was throwing.

"I'm looking for alcohol, of course." He said, then turned to them with a smile. "Jacob, lad! Like my hat?"

Jacob growled deep in his throat, but Evie placed a hand on his chest to stop him. "We'll get him after Altaïr." She whispered in his ear, which made Jacob nod, albeit hesitantly.

Aveline then spoke up, "Desmond and Rebecca are looking for you. They're worried you might do something dangerous."

The twins nodded but didn't say anything about it. Then, once Jacob walked back outside the house, Evie made sure the glass door was closed tightly before she made her way towards the family room. Quite frankly, the plan was simple and basically impossible to screw up. All that Evie needed to do was make sure to tell Altaïr Jacob was outside and point him in the right direction.

"Hey, what's this?" She asked as a rather yellow label called out to her from the pile of foods Edward had made on the floor.

She picked up the bottle with curiosity, then smiled almost evilly. Jacob _had_ said she needed to improvise the evil thing Jacob supposedly did to Altaïr. And what better card to play other than the innocent and naïve woman she was not?

"Don't know. Must be good, though. Most things that come in a glass bottle are good for the soul." Edward remarked after he had seen the bottle in her hands.

Evie nodded and agreed, " _Very good_ , Edward."

Then she grabbed a cup from the sink, opened the bottle, then served a rather big serving onto the cup. The liquid was a mellow red color and when she put her nose up to it to smell it, Evie cringed and pushed it away from her.

Oh, yes. This was perfect.

"Altaïr!" She called sweetly from the kitchen, grabbing the cup to walk over to the family room. "Please help me!"

When she got to the family room, Altaïr was on the couch with an almost annoyed look on his face.

"What do you want?" He grunted, even though his eyes were still on the book in his hands.

Evie smirked inwardly but pouted as she walked towards Altaïr. "I wish to try this drink, Desmond had told me it was rather delicious. But Jacob told me I wasn't allowed to try anything until he was sure it wasn't poison. But he doesn't want to try this and therefore I can't try it! He told me that if you tried it, though, I could drink it. Would you, please, drink it and tell me if it's any good?"

She was no damsel in distress. But most men didn't know that. Especially not one as old as Altaïr. In his mind, she must have been the perfect picture of a distraught woman.

"I am not thirsty." He grunted but Evie widened her eyes and stuck her bottom lip further out.

" _Please_ , Mentor! Have you never felt such stinging curiosity that could leave you with a void in your heart?"

"For the love of-" Haytham growled, putting his book down to glare at Altaïr. "Just taste the woman's drink so she can stop disrupting my reading."

Thank you, Haytham, Evie thought when Altaïr rolled his eyes as he sat up from the couch. He placed the book down on the sofa and took the cup, all the while grumbling about annoying woman. He drank the liquid in three hurried gulps, then shoved the cup back at Evie's hands.

"There. Are you happy. I am still alive, you can drink it yourself."

"Thank you very much." She smiled at him sweetly, then said, "Jacob's out back." And disappeared.

~/~

Altaïr looked at the spot she had once stood in with confusion, but shrugged and picked up the book he had been reading to continue. But something strange happened as he flipped through the pages to get to where he had left off. There was a sizzling sensation on his tongue. Then that sizzling became a burn then that burn became a fire.

With a shout of pain, Altaïr jumped up from the couch and ran into the kitchen.

"Fire! Fire!" He shouted in pure pain as he ran around the table Aveline sat at, eyes streaming with tears.

"Fire?" Connor asked, looking up from the pile Edward had made on the floor to look at the hurting assassin.

"What fire, lad?" Edward poked his head out of the walk in storage, only to find Altaïr running like a chicken with its head cut off.

"Water! Pleathe!" He shouted, then yelped when he suddenly fell onto the pile of food Edward had created.

The three other people in the room cringed when he fell, then Edward whistled loudly, "I think it best we disappear, Connor." He remarked, then ran out of the kitchen and up to his room.

Connor looked at the man that was rolling on the floor in pain, ignoring the fact that he was rolling on top of all types of food and getting his clothes dirtied with them, then nodded at his absent grandfather. It would be best if Altaïr did not know it was their fault there was such a pile on the floor. He too ran out of the kitchen, which made Aveline roll her eyes.

Still, she was nice enough to get up from the table with her cup of chocolate milk and walked towards Altaïr.

He was shouting out in pain, tears streaming down his cheek, with his tongue redder than what was considered healthy. He was moving around in pain, but Aveline stepped onto his arm and managed to keep him with his head facing up as she crouched down beside him.

Then, she dumped all the contents of her cup onto his face.

He moaned out in relief at the liquid that gushed down his face, then laid out on the floor, just rejoicing in the fact that the sting in his tongue had ended. Then, he remembered just why his clothes were dirty, his face and hair were doused in brown milk, and his tongue had been on fire.

"JACOB!" He growled in rage as he sprang up from the floor.

Aveline sighed with a roll of her eyes as she stood up from the pained assassin, then went to sit in the family room with Haytham. Altaïr looked down at himself, felt his anger increase, then sped down the halls of the house to reach his destination. There! Outside the doorway!

Jacob stood in the backyard with a smug grin plastered on his face, waving over at the enraged assassin. Altaïr's nostrils flared but felt some glee at how stupid Jacob had been in leaving himself open. He would kill him yet! He ripped through the house in speeds he did not know he possessed, and his blade was prepared to taste blood.

Then, suddenly, about ten inches from attacking Jacob, he felt his head and body collide against an invisible force so harshly that he was knocked unconscious.

Which was a good thing because he did not get to hear Jacob's and Evie's twin laughter ring out across the house as they laughed at his pain.

 


	4. Chapter 4

A few minutes after Altaïr had knocked himself out by running into the glass door that led to the backyard, Desmond went in that very direction to try and find Jacob and Evie. His eyes widened, though, when he found the sight of the Arabic assassin passed out on the floor right in front of the glass sliding door that led to the backyard, with a clearly mirthful Jacob laughing at him on the other side of the glass.

"Jacob!" Desmond bit out, eyes opened almost comically with what he saw, "What have you done?"

Jacob's laughter ceased upon hearing Desmond's angered voice, then, after a split second, took off running away from the glass door and deeper into the backyard. And even though Desmond really felt like strangling the man for being dumb enough to anger _Altaïr_ of all his ancestors, he was still smart enough to know there would come a time when Jacob would would get got.

So, instead of running after the British assassin, Desmond made his way over to Altaïr and began to wonder just how he was supposed to wake him up... Or if he was even supposed to.

* * *

"Oh, Caterina Sforza..." Ezio mumbled in his sleep, lips set in a dopey smile, "You move so beautifully..."

Ezio woke up with a large smile on his face. His dreams of Caterina Sforza were rather... _Enticing_ , even though he had been shocked awake by a loud thud on the floor of his room before he had gotten to the good part of the moment with the woman.

"Who's there?" Ezio groaned as he slowly sat up on his bed, the covers sliding off him to pool at his naked waist. "You owe me for waking up from my amazing dream.

"My apologies, Mentor."

The Italian man jumped at the sudden sight of the dark skinned man named Connor standing by the door, his arms crossed over his chest as he leaned against the door. Then his eyes drifted over towards where Connor was looking at and found a pirate hiding beneath the bunk beds Altaïr and Jacob had shared the night before.

"Just what are you doing in here?" Ezio asked the eccentric man in front of him with a confused air about him.

He had no problems being around Edward. The other man seemed to be a happy sort of fellow and he had yet to give Ezio a reason to doubt him. But just what could he be doing inside the room shared by him, Jacob, and Altaïr? Did the pirate not have his own room?

"We," Edward pointed at both himself and Connor as he corrected Ezio, then explained, "Are hiding from the man known as Altaïr."

The Italian assassin quirked an eyebrow at those words, clearly wondering just why anyone would hide from the Master Assassin, but Connor answered the question before he even had to voice it.

"My grandfather accidentally made him fall onto the floor and ruin his robes. We are hiding from him because we believe he may be out to seek revenge on us." Then Connor looked at Edward with an unimpressed glare, "I told him Altaïr would be too busy hunting Jacob and Evie down to even think about us, but apparently not listening to reason is genetic when the men of my family have reached a certain age."

"Hey now!" Edward shouted in mock pain, "You should respect your grandfather!"

"Only when he begins to act like one, and not some overexcited six year old."

Ezio smiled at Edward, who raised both his hands to his chest as if he had been wounded, then asked, "And why would _Il mentore_ be searching for the twins?"

Connor turned to Ezio once again, and seemed ready to answer with a legitimate answer, but Edward spoke up before the young man could really say anything.

"Oh, Ezio, you had to _see_ that man's face! I have no idea what witchcraft those two used to make Altaïr run around as if he had fire spewing from his mouth, but I do know that the man had flames licking at his face as he ran around the kitchen, seeking reprieve from the heat!"

Ezio's eyes widened at the idea of someone having their face on fire, but Connor quickly cooled the situation down, "Grandfather, please do not exaggerate." Then he looked at Ezio with a calm gaze, "The twins gave Altaïr an oddity to drink, apparently something that is rather hot and can give off the illusion of a fire in one's mouth."

Edward had deflated at his grandson interrupting him, then crawled himself deeper into the bottom of the beds. Even though he was thoroughly enjoying the time he was spending with both his son and grandson- even though Haytham seemed too intrigued by that book to pay any attention to him, eh, who cares- he also missed his own life and his crew mates. At least _they_ allowed him to embellish his tales.

"At the moment, we are not sure where the Mentor is." Connor shrugged after having explained the situation to the Italian assassin, "But my grandfather is smart enough to know that Altaïr will most probably know why there was a pile of food in the middle of the kitchen when he went searching for help, which is the reason why we are hiding at the moment."

There was a moment of silence in which Edward maintained his silence beneath the bunks, Ezio smiled with mirth down at him, and Connor kept his tense stance by doorway. Then Ezio got up from his bed- and luckily for both men around him, he had opted for wearing pants the past night instead of going au natural like he liked- and scratched at his bare chest.

"To me it seems like enough things have happened in this house without my presence." Then he went over to the corner beside his bed and picked up his gauntlets and night shirt and threw them on. "How about we go see how much crazy an Italian can stir up in this mad house?"

* * *

"Desmond, did you find Jacob and Evie?" Desmond heard Rebecca call from somewhere inside the house.

He had stayed seated beside Altaïr's unconscious body for the past five minutes, silently wondering if he should have tried to wake him up or just let him lay.

"I found Jacob for a while!" Desmond answered back with a shake of his head as Altaïr groaned out.

It was the first signs of him regaining consciousness.

"What do you mean for a while?" Rebecca asked, then appeared by the doorway. "And what happened to Altaïr?" She almost yelled, eyes wide as she began to run towards them.

Desmond sighed as he scratched at the back of his head, then shrugged, "Apparently Jacob and Evie tag-teamed Altaïr here. He's been unconscious for some five minutes now and I am honestly too afraid of him to try and wake him up."

Rebecca's glare could have killed, but at least she turned away from Desmond to tend to the unconscious assassin. "Okay, well, where was Jacob?"

"Out in the backyard. He was laughing his ass off looking at Altaïr but when he saw me, he took off running." Then Desmond looked over at the glass door of doom that had hurt both Altaïr and Jacob now. "Honestly, my money's on Jacob getting run over by a car. If not that, he's going to get stuck in a tree."

Altaïr groaned once more, then his eyes fluttered to life. And, suddenly, without much fore-sight, Altaïr had Rebecca's neck in one hand with his hidden blade pointed right at the jugular.

"Altaïr!" Rebecca growled, glaring at the man.

It took him a moment in which he blinked down at his hands and the person he was about to kill, then Altaïr released Rebecca with a bowed head. "My apologies. I believed you were Jacob."

The dark haired woman groaned at that, then looked at Desmond, "Go find the idiot. Altaïr, you're coming with me."

The proud assassin looked at her with eyes that read of 'I'm not going anywhere with you as long as that damned Brit is running around still alive' but Rebecca's deadly glare beat that look out. Then, before Altaïr could protest, the woman had grabbed him by the ear and pulled him away from the room, all the while he tried his best to not yelp out in pain.

Desmond chuckled after the two for a moment, then glared at the glass door before him.

"Couldn't we just let him get himself killed? That would be funny."

But those thoughts died out as soon as a car skidding and a loud horn honking repeatedly were heard by him. Then Desmond took off running through the backyard- after having opened the glass door- to try and find the source of all the commotion, all the while he could hear someone yelling, cursing, and bad mouthing just about everything under the sun. Unfortunately, Desmond knew that voice.

**Please review.**


	5. Chapter 5

As he ran over to where he had heard the accident occur, Desmond fished his phone out of his pocket and called Shaun. Even though he could kind of get through most of his ancestor's heads, dealing with someone from the present time that had almost crashed- or, he hoped not, actually crashed- because of Jacob was something he really did not want to do.

_"Desmond? What problem have you gotten yourself into this time?"_

Desmond rolled his eyes at the other's tone, then answered, "Not me, but Jacob. Shaun, I need you to come help me. I think he caused someone to crash."

 _"Just how in the bloody hell did Jacob manage to leave the house, Desmond?"_ Shaun sighed heavily in his ear.

And the running man could only blush slightly and cough out, "He escaped, okay? Let's not think of the how."

Even though he knew it really wasn't his fault that Jacob had gotten out, Desmond knew that he would still likely be blamed by his friends. It was easy to blame him, you see. He had been the one in the family at the same moment his ancestors were there, so by default- in their mixed up minds- anything that happened was an extension of Desmond's lack of control.

_"And where is he now?"_

"-Stupid bloody wanker that can't even drive this metal carriage well! I believe you must actually be dumber than those potato munchers!"

"He's yelling at one of our neighbors." Desmond answered lamely as he came across the scene of Jacob Frye shouting off all types of derogatory insults at a teenage, red headed boy who's face was as red as his hair.

"Now you listen hear, you stupid Brit! I've had about enough of your type with insulting my ancestry! It's not my fault I'm part Irish!" The boy shouted back and Jacob's glare was enough to let Desmond know he should defuse the situation before the family down the street had to file a missing child's report.

"He's only a small run from the house. I'm sure you'll be able to hear the shouting." Desmond remarked into the phone before he finished the call, then ran over to Jacob as the man began to take one step towards the angered teenager.

The car he had been driving, a rather well kept Toyota that seemed to have seen its fair share of use, now found its hood dented inwards along with most of its front because of a nicely placed tree. Smoke billowed softly from the hood and Desmond cringed at how catastrophic that crash might have been for the kid inside. Yet he was out here arguing with Jacob, so maybe he had been lucky and hadn't gotten hurt.

"Do you have any idea how much this is gonna cost my family!" The boy growled, glaring heatedly at Jacob. "I hope you have your insurance information here because I am _not_ about to let some random stranger cost me my senior trip!"

"Oh I'll show you a senior trip, alright!" Jacob retorted in an almost crazed manner and Desmond sped up upon hearing that. "I'm sure you'll be able to tell me all about as soon as the doctors get through with your-"

"Jacob Frye! What do you think you are doing?" Desmond cut Jacob off before he could continue with the rest of his threat, jumping forward so he was in between the teenager and the man. "What in the hell did you do?"

Jacob glared at Desmond but still pointed at the raging teen, "That dumb kid tried to run me over with that horse-less carriage! He deserves to pay for any damages done unto my body!"

"Where there any damages?" Desmond asked through gritted teeth, glaring at his British ancestor.

"Well, not really, but the dumb bloke deserves to-!" Jacob tried to shout back at Desmond, but was cut off by the man placing his hand over his mouth and glaring at him in a way that let the Brit know Desmond was not in the mood for his words.

"Jacob. Shut up." Desmond growled, then turned to the teenager. "Are you alright?"

The kid's red face had kind of gone down to his normal pigmentation as Jacob and Desmond shouted at one another, and he turned to Desmond with a soft sigh. "I am... But this is gonna cost me a fortune!"

"I know. And I'm sorry about all of this. Is there any way we can help you?"

"We are _not_ helping this macky eejit!" Jacob growled.

Desmond could feel a headache starting up as the red headed teen became flustered once more and began to shout and Jacob for being a jerk. Luckily for him, though, Shaun decided to appear at that moment with stern frown in place.

"Jacob Frye! What do you think you are doing?" The British man asked as he neared the three males, eyes narrowed. "Are you actually getting yourself in an argument with a boy? Is that how far you have sunk, bloke?"

"I have not sunk at all, mate!" Jacob shouted at Shaun, his attention turning from the teen to the other man.

Desmond was glad that Shaun appeared at the moment he did because he was now able to trade insurance information with the poor kid and send him on his way before Jacob tried to kill anyone. And once he turned to both Brits, he found them in the middle of what could be described as a snark battle, and he wasn't completely sure who was winning at the moment.

"-and I bet you're one of those lousy tea drinkers!" Jacob shouted with his face red, clearly annoyed with Shaun's appearance.

For the first time in... Ever, actually, Desmond saw Shaun gasp and take a step back, as if hurt by what had been said. "And what would be wrong with me being a tea drinker? It is a perfectly British thing to do!"

Jacob rolled his eyes and pointed threateningly at Shaun, "Because that's only for pansies like you!"

"I am no pansy! You bloody minger!"

"You take that back! You are the one that has a face only a mother could love!"

"At least my mother loved me!"

"Lad, you are just asking for someone to beat sense into you!"

"Yes, but someone with real sense! And talking about sense, how about we talk about your _terrible sense_ of fashion! I am sure not even your sister can see you without regretting sharing your blood!"

The headache that was coming on was now brought up because of their terribly tame insults. Yet both Brits seemed about as insulted as if they had their whole family, friends, and favorite things in the world insulted at the same time.

Desmond would never be able to understand Shaun or British people.

* * *

Ezio walked out of his room with Connor and Edward following behind him. He was dressed comfortably with only a simple shirt and pants, deciding to leave his heavier items to put on later in the day.

As they walked, they happened to run into an exasperated Rebecca and clearly pissed off Altaïr.

"Let me go, Devil Woman!" The man shouted, but all seemed to just ignore him.

"What is wrong, Rebecca? You seem annoyed." Ezio asked curiously, glancing from the woman over to the man.

"Annoyed? Just that? Oh, Ezio, I am beyond being annoyed." The woman growled, holding onto Altaïr's arm tightly as the man tried to twist his way out of the hold. "Could one of you three try to explain to Altaïr here that if he doesn't stop trying to get free, I'm going to have to use lethal force?"

"No woman can fell Altaïr Ibn-" The great assassin began to shout, but suddenly stopped.

His four companions looked on in slight surprise when his body suddenly crumpled to the floor. Then they all glanced up to find Haytham standing behind his now fallen body, nose upturned and eyes squinted in slight disgust.

"He was being loud." And that seemed to be enough of an explanation for the man because he soon asked, "Has anyone seen Shay?"

Connor glared at his father's tactics, always having found them a bit too much given the situations they found themselves in, but did not say anything. Ezio shrugged, Edward shook his head, and Rebecca sighed with a shake of her head.

"Check Shaun's room." She said simply, then turned to Ezio. "Can anyone help me carry this lump of an idiot?"

Ezio did not hesitate at all to help the woman and soon picked Altaïr's body up, slinging him over his shoulder as if he were some object and not a human being. Then he began to walk behind Rebecca as Haytham went in search of Shay. Which left Connor and Edward alone once more.

After a few seconds of silence, Edward turned to his grandson.

"What do you want to do now, boy?"

Connor looked at the smiling face of his young grandfather for a moment, then sighed and shook his head. Then he began to walk away without having said any other word. Instead of taking the younger's actions for what they were, which were actions that kind of showed that Connor wanted to be left alone, Edward just followed after the American lad, smile still on his face.


	6. Chapter 6

Haytham walked into Shaun's room to find Shay brooding by the window, a loud racket of noise blasting from some contraption to the side of the room. The older of the two cocked an eyebrow at the Irishman's choice of stance, but entered the room and walked towards him.

"Shay."

With a soft hum, Shay motioned with his hand for Haytham to walk closer to him, even though he never turned around to look at the man himself. Haytham found this a bit odd- Shay had always spoken directly at him and never ignored him- but still followed and soon stood beside the other man, also looking out the window.

"We cannot possibly stay here, Grandmaster." The man spoke up after a minute or so of silence, then turned to Haytham with a stern frown. "These people are Assassins. We have no place among them. What we must do is find the Templars of this time."

Haytham's face hardened at this, for now he knew that the conversation he would have with Shay would be serious, then nodded, "I agree. But how are we to escape them?"

At this Shay actually smirked, "They are rather stupid. If that crumpet sucker was able to escape from their grasps without too much problem, then I figure we should be able to leave without them even noticing us."

The insult made Haytham raise an eyebrow and look at Shay with a toned down severity, "May I remind you that I too could be considered a crumpet sucker, Shay?"

"Aye, you are." Shay now smiled broadly over at the other man, "But you're the only one I've met that I hadn't felt like punching in the face... _Too much_."

* * *

"Okay, guys, we're going to need to establish some ground rules."

Aveline looked up from the small black box in her hands, one that held a lot of rubber buttons on it, and found Desmond walking into the family room, Shaun and Jacob behind him. But both Brits were glaring at one another as if they would love nothing more than to kill the other, which made the dark skinned woman wonder just what had happened while they were outside.

"Um... Aveline?"

"Yes, Desmond?"

"Where are the rest of the guys?"

Aveline looked around her now to notice that she was the only one in the whole room. So she shrugged and shook her head, "I don't know. They must have fled."

"Aveline! That's not funny!" Desmond whined slightly, then turned around to point at Jacob. "Sit down beside Aveline and don't you dare move."

"Oh, and what if I don't?"

Desmond screwed his eyes shout and ground his teeth together, then growled, "I will _make you_."

"I'd like to see you try, you dirty, stupid, bloody-"

But the- presumably- horrible insult Jacob was about to scream at Desmond was cut short when Shaun pushed him on the back suddenly, causing him to tumble forward and wind up hitting the couch's bottom half with his face.

"Oh, shut up, you bloody wanker!" Shaun shouted, then turned to Desmond. "I'll keep an eyes on these two. Go find the rest of these idiots so we're able to establish what they can and _can't_ do... Like how they _can't_ run away and _start yelling at a fucking kid!"_ Shaun yelled in Jacob's direction then, who stuck his tongue out and raised his hand- most probably to insult Shaun the only way he had not used yet- but Desmond turned around before he could see.

"Alright. See you later, Shaun."

With that Desmond took off running towards the insides of the house, hoping that none of his ancestors had killed each other yet. Or, worse yet, had not killed any of his teammates yet... Even though he could kind of understand if Jacob killed Shaun. And Desmond wouldn't really mind if they killed one another... Two less British idiots to deal with. That would only leave him with Haytham, but he had Connor to balance out the older man's snobbishness.

Actually, it'd be kind of cool to see Connor, Haytham, and Edward all just stuck inside one room with no way out. Edward most probably would be extremely happy to be in the same place as his son and grandson, even though Haytham would most probably try to escape in the first five minutes. And of course Connor would be the only sane one there, unless Haytham began to talk to him... Then Connor may just become a raging bull and kill both Haytham and Edward.

As he thought about this funny scenario, Desmond stopped in his running in front of the door he knew was given to Ezio, Altaïr, and Jacob to sleep in, in hopes that he would find one of the missing two there. When he opened the door, he did not find who he was looking for. But he did find Edward Kenway standing in the very middle of the room, a confused expression on his face, looking around as if he were trying to find something. There was no one else in the room with him.

"Desmond, lad?" Edward gasped as he ran over to the younger man, then grabbed his face and brought it close to his own. "I thought everybody had disappeared!"

"Disappeared?" Desmond mumbled slightly as Edward held on tightly to his cheeks, then shook his head and tried to pry the man's fingers off of him. "What do you mean?"

Edward released him at this and turned around, then began to pace the room animatedly. "Connor told me of this ancient curse of his tribe. And then said that if I didn't stop bothering me he would use it. Can you believe my grandson actually used his magic against me?" Now Edward turned once more to Desmond, eyes wide and almost wild.

Those words barely made any sense. But this was Edward Kenway after all. He was a bit of an exaggerator. So Desmond only nodded softly, even though what he said used an almost sarcastic tone, "Sure..." Then he motioned for the door, "Listen, Edward, why don't you go downstairs and wait for me on the couch with the others? I'll be back in a few minutes."

"No, boy!" Edward suddenly shouted, running to him once more to grab him forcefully by his shoulders. "Those are soul-eating monsters! Connor told me himself: whoever I find outside of this room is wicked and evil. They are _not_ to be trusted, Desmond!"

Desmond looked at the alarmed blonde for a second, then sighed and shook his head, "Come on. Let's go find Connor so he can explain this to you. There is no curse, Edward."

"Don't lie to me! You only want to steal my soul!"

With that sudden shout Edward pushed Desmond out of the way and barrelled out of the doorway, shaking his head wildly. "Nobody is going to eat my soul today, Soul Eater! I shall survive this curse!"

"Edward, don't you dare! Get back here, you stupid-" But by the time Desmond had gotten up from the floor and faced the doorway, the crazed Edward Kenway had disappeared and left no traces as to where he had gone. "Dammit!"

After a moment to compose himself- just why had Connor scared Edward? Just... why?- Desmond walked out of the room and went to find the rest of the people. He only hoped that Edward didn't get himself into too much trouble as Desmond looked for them.

* * *

" _Pssst... Aveline..._ "

Aveline looked up from the black box- which Shaun had insisted on calling a TV remote before he scoffed in exasperation and stopped talking to her- to find Jacob leaning into her, even though his eyes were trained on Shaun, who was busy reading a newspaper on the recliner.

"What?" She asked, only to have the man's hand suddenly clasp over her mouth.

" _Shhh... We don't want the durty knacker to hear us..._ " Jacob hissed through clenched teeth, then released her once Aveline nodded slowly.

" _What do you want?"_ Aveline whispered, eyes going from Shaun, who was too busy reading the newspaper to notice them, then over to Jacob, who smiled mischievously at her.

" _I'm bored. And I have a plan to free ourselves from that disgrace to Britain."_

Aveline nodded softly because even though she didn't hate Shaun, she was getting kind of bored of just sitting on the couch.

" _What do you propose we do?"_ She asked, then Jacob smiled broadly at her.

" _Well this plan is going to take our outmost stealthy selves. It is a plan that is dangerous and requires intelligence, virtue, stealth, a pint of guinness, and-_ "

But Jacob's whispers were cut off by Edward Kenway suddenly jumping down from the stairs, screaming and whooping about not having his soul eaten or something like that, which made Shaun immediately get up and shout after him.

"Get back here, Edward!" Shaun yelled, but instead of listening to him, Edward only shook his head vehemently and took off running, which made Shaun follow after him.

As both men ran, Aveline and Jacob looked after them with slight shock. Then, once they were gone out of sight, Aveline turned to Jacob.

"Or we could just count on a mad Edward."

"Aye. Let's go." Jacob smiled broadly, then got up from the couch and began to lead Aveline into the house.

 


	7. Chapter 7

"Oh, good, you two aren't running around like the other idiots."

Haytham cocked an eyebrow at the odd greeting that came from the modern assassin called Desmond, but said nothing else as Shay too turned to meet the man. They had decided to stay inside of Shaun's room while they planned to leave this madhouse run by assassins, which is why Desmond had found them sitting on the Brit's bed.

"Should I ask you what you might mean with that?" Shay asked with a curious inflection in his voice, standing up from the bed to fully face the modern assassin.

Desmond's eyes were wide and his lips were parted, small, panting breaths leaving him every few seconds in a steady rhythm. From all of this Shay could guess that the man was made to run around the house.

Shaking his head, Desmond waved the question off, "Not really... You're used to being around idiots, yeah?"

For a moment, Haytham allowed himself to think about all of the idiots he was surrounded by in the organization- specifically Charles Lee and the assassin turned templar- but didn't allow his amusement to show. Even though he found the situation easy to understand, he didn't want Desmond to start thinking he actually showed any type of humor.

"One could say so, yes." Shay, oblivious to Haytham's own thoughts, answered with a small smile. "What are you looking for, lad?" He questioned afterwards, the soft smiling molding into a straight line. He was back to being serious.

Desmond didn't seem to notice the fact that both men were being extremely serious for he sighed dramatically and slumped against the frame of the door beside him.

"Give me a minute, why don't you?" He breathed out dramatically, took in one large gulp of air, then straightened himself. "If you two would be so kind, would you come with me to the family room downstairs? We have to discuss things you guys can do and what you can't."

"And why should we be told that?" Haytham questioned, eyebrow quirked. "I believe I am logical enough to know what I should and should not do."

Shay nodded in agreement, but said nothing.

Haytham found the man's silence odd but didn't question it. Shay must have had a reason to suddenly clam up. Just like he must have had a reason to think up of an escape plan before the Grand Master himself had thought of escaping.

"Normally, I would say that a group of adults _should_ have enough common sense to not be idiots... But these guys don't have that." Desmond explained hastily, "Altaïr passed out because of Jacob and Evie, Edward's running amok swearing that we're soul eating monsters, Jacob almost got run over, and I don't want to think just what Ezio is up to..."

The summary of what had happened in the house during the day made Haytham wonder just how stupid a group of assassin's could truly be, all the while Shay scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest. "Shouldn't be surprised. They _are_ assassins, after all."

Desmond glared half heartedly at the jab towards his organization, but soon straightened up and looked at them pleadingly. "Please? Just go downstairs while I round up the rest of these idiots. As soon as we're done laying down the ground rules, you can go back to brooding in the shadows. Promise."

Shay looked at Haytham after this, silently asking what they should do, but before the man could give Desmond any answer, there was a crash from outside the room, followed by loud laughter and Arabic curses.

"Ezio! I told you to not do that! Altaïr is a human being! He's not some object to throw around!" Rebecca's enraged shouts rang out from the same direction and Desmond sighed heavily.

"Not one second of peace..." He mumbled to himself with an eye roll, then looked at both Templars. "Please?" He repeated once more, "Just for a little while?" And then he bolted out the door when there was another crash to be heard.

A few moments passed in which neither Haytham nor Shay moved, then the older of the two shook his head. "Come on then, Shay. We shall follow with their little games until we are able to escape."

"I do not like fraternizing with those assassins, Grand Master." Shay muttered as he followed after the man, both beginning to head over to the family room.

"I am aware, Shay." Haytham shook his head softly, "But it is only for a little while, as you heard Desmond tell us."

"Fine... I still don't like it, though..."

* * *

"Rebecca! Are you alright? Please tell me you're not dead!"

The mentioned woman was surprised to hear Desmond sound so worried and looked up to find her friend breathless and wide eyed.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine, Des." She answered as she blinked at the sight of him, then motioned to Ezio and Altaïr. "I had told Ezio to stop carrying Altaïr like some sack of potatoes." She explained simply, then looked at both fallen assassins. "But he didn't listen and Altaïr got angry. They got to fighting and ended up breaking through the coffee table."

Desmond's eyes widened a bit more at the sight of both men on the floor and groaning, then shook his head and looked up at the sky, "God, if you're really there, please... Kill me. Because if you don't, my dad will."

That had been his dad's favorite table... The table he'd use to prop his feet up on when life got too stressful. Now Altaïr and Ezio laid between it's broken splinters.

"Eh, you're being dramatic, Desmond." Rebecca waved off the man's pleas, "He's going to kill these two, not you." Then she prodded at Ezio's leg with her foot, but received only a groan as her answer.

He'd be out for a while.

"Need us for anything?" She asked after a moment of thought, internally hoping to be given a reprieve of the insanity unleashed by what were supposed to be mature and grown men.

"Yeah, I do." Desmond answered slowly, then pointed at both his ancestors. "Those two need to come with me so we can explain to them some rules."

"But they're passed out."

"Yeah... They're passed out..." Desmond rubbed both hands against his face at this, then sighed and turned around. "I'll get Connor and Jacob to help you take them down or something... I've still got to find Edward and Evie."

"Edward?" Rebecca called as Desmond began to walk away, "Isn't he with Connor?"

"It's a long story, Rebecca..." The man answered simply then left Rebecca alone.

* * *

"Now this is what I call comforting..." Evie sighed heavily as she leaned into the bath she had drawn, pink bubbles surrounding her comfortably.

Her clothes were strewn all along the bathroom so messily that they would have given Jacob a run for his money, but she could not care. She was comfortable. And after a day surrounded by idiotic men and having to help her brother, she really deserved to relax in this sudsy heaven.

Oh, she was more than aware of all of the stupidity her brother could run into if she wasn't around to stop him, but she really could not bring herself to care. There were more than four capable male assassins in this house that should have been smart enough to stop him. And if they weren't able to, then that was their problem, not hers. For once in her life, her brother would not be her responsibility.

From far away, she could hear a crash of sorts, but, once more, she didn't care about it.

As long as it didn't affect her directly, she was fine.

"This is the life..."

* * *

Finding Evie was more difficult than it should have been.

Heck, even getting ahold of Connor had been simple enough when compared to finding the second half of the Frye twins! The Native American had been sitting quietly beside William as Desmond's father worked on the computer, not bothering anyone.

In retrospect, Desmond should have known Connor would be the most calm out of the whole bunch if not around his father. But once he found the man, he scolded him for having 'cursed' Edward- all the while garnering questioning glances from William- before sending him off to both help Rebecca with the knocked out Ezio and Altaïr _and_ to stop Edward and explain that there weren't any soul eaters.

After that had been taken care of, Desmond had set off once more in search of Evie. But already five minutes had passed and he had yet to find a single trace of her. Which was pretty surprising considering that the house they were in wasn't even that big!

"This is hopeless." He mumbled to himself softly as he eyed the door to one of the three bathrooms on the top floor, "Might as well take a minute to myself..."

Then he opened the door into the bathroom and found his face burning as hot as it had ever before.

He had found Evie... And she was naked... In the bathtub... And her eyes were just as wide as his own.

"Desmond!" Evie gasped, moving to cover her body with the bubbles around her.

"Oh my gosh, Evie, I'm so sorry!" Desmond fumbled around for the words, but finally clapped his hand over his eyes and turned away from the sight. "I did not know you were in here! I'm real sorry!"

"Desmond..." The woman cleared her throat, face just as red as Desmon's own. "Do you need me for anything?" She questioned, trying to hide her embarrassment with a business tone.

"Yup. I need you to come down to the family room now. Not right now, though! I mean, you're naked! But as soon as you can! Oh, Evie..." He groaned loudly, then stumbled to grab the door and close it behind him. "J-Just go down to the family room once you're dressed!"

Then he slammed the door behind him and ran off, leaving a very shocked Evie behind.

But the longer she remained in the bath and she thought about how flustered the man had become, the more amused the woman became.

Oh... She wasn't a Frye for nothing. She would have her fun with Desmond.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope y'all liked it. And, please, remember this is not a story to be taken seriously. It's a humorous interpretation of Assassins, Templars, and their conflict.


End file.
